


It Just Won't Stop Crashing Down

by alpeckninetysix



Category: Broadchurch
Genre: Cheating, Depressing, F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Oral Sex, Past Sexual Assault, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn With Plot, Road Trips, Rough Sex, Trouble In Paradise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:02:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29671128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alpeckninetysix/pseuds/alpeckninetysix
Summary: Joe kills himself and leaves Miller to clean up the (metaphoric) mess.  Alec accompanies her to Liverpool.  Things get messy.
Relationships: Alec Hardy/Ellie Miller, Alec Hardy/Zoe
Comments: 28
Kudos: 85





	1. Chapter 1

_Shit._

Alec Hardy wasn't sure if he'd thought it or said it out loud.

_Shit._

He looked out into the bullpen through the open blinds on his office windows. He scanned the room.

He could see Ellie Miller standing near the kitchen, pouring Nish a cup of tea. They were laughing about something.

_Shit shit shit shit._

Alec made himself focus on the voice coming over the other end of the phone line.

"If I could get her details, I'll ring her and -"

"No," Alec interrupted. "That won't be necessary. I'll, um, talk to her. Ta."

He ended the call and stood up, taking in a nervous breath before fiddling with his tie.

_**SHIT.** _

Alec grabbed his jacket from the coat rack near the open office door.

"Miller," he called out, more ordering than asking.

Miller looked over at him. She gave Nish the briefest of looks before walking over.

"Got a shout."

He was lying. This wasn't the place to tell her.

"C'mon."

Miller left her mug at her desk and followed him out to the hall.

"Where?"

Alec ignored the question. He didn't look directly at her.

From the periphery of his line of sight, he could see Miller's brow twitch.

Obviously, it wasn't the first time she'd followed him out without knowing where they were going. Probably a bad habit, it was.

They made it outside the station into the bright afternoon sun.

"Are you going to tell me what's happening?" Miller snapped.

Alec crossed the street, Miller on his heels. He rounded a nearby corner, just far enough to be out of notice of anyone leaving the station.

With a sigh, he finally turned to face Miller. He forced himself to raise his eyes to meet her gaze.

She wrinkled her forehead and gave him an inquisitive look.

Alec crossed his arms and slouched a bit, unsure of what to do with his body.

_Just bloody tell her._

"Miller..." he began hesitantly.

Miller didn't respond. He could see her expression take on a bit of nerve, creases appearing between her brows.

_Shit._

"Got a call from a constabulary in Liverpool," he said brusquely.

_Tell her. Say it._

"Joe died. He hadn't been to work and his boss went round to his flat, found him. Um, they suspect suicide."

He looked over Miller's face. She wasn't moving. Her lips were slightly parted as to say something, but no words came.

It seemed ages before the spell broke over her.

Miller scoffed as she shook her head. She ran her hands over her temples as she paced away from Alec a bit.

It was awhile before she could speak.

_"Fucking hell."_

She looked back up at Alec, her hands still pressed against her face as if she were trying to stave off a headache.

"Did they say...?"

"Do you really want to know?"

She nodded, staring at him intently.

"Um, hanged himself with a belt, they said, so..."

Once again, Miller didn't move. Her eyes wandered away from Alec and seemed to be assessing something on the sidewalk between them.

As a copper, Alec was used to delivering unpleasant news. When working a case, he'd present the facts and hang back quietly, allow the unfortunate recipient time to process.

It seemed disingenuous to do that now with Miller, however.

He wracked his brain, trying to come up with something to say or do, when the sound of Miller laughing wrenched him back.

Her expression was more a grimace than a smile.

_"That fucking rat bastard."_

She laughed again, shaking her head.

"I've loved to watch him do it." Miller still cackled to herself, placing her hands at her hips. "Is that completely mad?"

Alec knew it was a rhetorical question, but he still shook his head.

Miller finally stopped laughing. She let out a deep sigh, crouching down to the ground. All Alec could do was watch.

She stayed hunched up for a long time before glancing back up at Alec.

"Oh, _god,_ " she choked out. "I'm going to have to tell Tom. What the _fuck_ am I supposed to say?"

Once again, Alec didn't have the answer for her.

_Do something._

His knees creaked as he squatted down to Miller's level.

"C'mon," he murmured. He took hold of Miller's biceps and coaxed her into a standing position. "Go inside, get your things. I'll drive you home."

His hands were still on her arms as Miller nodded, not looking at him.

It was a moment before Miller seemingly remembered how her legs worked. Alec watched her climb up the steps to the station before heading to the car park.

* * *

The silence inside Miller's house was deafening. Alec was sat with her at her dining room table. Tom was tasked with picking up Fred after work and minding him until she got home most days. They were expected back any moment. Alec fiddled with his cup of tea. Miller hadn't touched hers. He was about to offer a top off when he felt his mobile buzz.

Miller heard the vibration. "You can answer that," she told Alec.

It was the first thing either of them had said in a long time.

Alec discreetly pulled out his phone to check the caller ID.

Zoe.

He slipped it back in his pocket.

"Um, it can wait."

They were nearing four years together. Alec had moved into her's after a couple of years dating. There was room for Daisy, too, when she came round for mini breaks. Daisy and Zoe got on.

Lately, Zoe had been hinting at taking the next steps. She wanted to get married. After spending several years on the fence about parenthood, she'd told him she now wanted a baby.

Alec felt like a proper arsehole.

Their relationship was perfectly fine. Easy, pleasant, free of drama. He loved her.

He just wasn't in love with her.

He knew he'd let it go on far too long. He also knew he couldn't go on wasting her time, especially if she wanted to be a mother.

There was no way to get out of this without coming across as a completely selfish prick.

 _It's probably time for a new job in a different city,_ he thought to himself.

The sound of the front door opening nearly made Alec startle.

Miller immediately stood up. She brushed her hands over her clothes and plastered on a smile.

"Tom? Fred?" she called out. Alec could hear a faint shake in her voice.

Tom poked his head into the dining room. He was nineteen now; working in construction. He looked from his mum to Alec and back again.

"You all right, Mum?" Tom asked. Fred, dressed in his football kit, looked in from behind Tom.

Miller still wore the strained smile. Fred lost interest and wandered towards the kitchen

"Tom, um... come sit." Miller's voice was quiet. Alec could see the shine in her eyes.

Alec decided to give them space. He stood to leave the room, nodding at Tom before he exited. As Alec pulled the door shut behind himself, he saw that Tom once again looked over in his direction.

Alone in the Millers' hallway, Alec paused as he decided what to do. He followed Fred's sounds to the kitchen. There he found Fred poking around in the refrigerator.

"Um," Alec started. "Fancy tea, Fred?"

He felt rather useless at the moment. At least cooking was something.

"Okay," Fred responded, munching on a piece of fruit he'd found in his rummaging. Alec foraged around before he found tinned soup and a box of frozen monstrosities claiming to be chicken. Paired with some courgettes left out, they could be a passable meal.

He prepped the food in the quiet kitchen. Fred, tired after a long day of school and football, didn't say much either, his mouth occupied with the apple.

They both startled slightly as the muffled voices from the other room rose in volume, lowering after a moment. Alec could vaguely make out Miller saying Tom's name.

"What are Mum and Tom doing?" asked Fred, looking over to Alec.

"Um, having a chat," he replied, staring down the soup simmering on the stove.

"What about?"

Alec had never been great about deflecting. He wasn't sure if it would be easier on Miller for him to talk to Fred about what happened, or if it was overstepping.

_Well, one less thing for Miller to deal with tonight._

"Do you... know who Joe is, Fred?"

Fred thought a moment and nodded.

"He and Mum are divorced and he's Tom's dad... and mine, too, but I never met him."

Alec just nodded. "You were wee then. It was before you could remember."

He ladled soup into a bowl and placed it front of Fred.

"Well... Joe died. Your mum found out today. It might be hard right now for Tom, though."

"Oh." Fred slurped a spoonful as Alec stood by, gauging his reaction. "That's sad."

"Aye." Alec could only agree with the lad. Fred seemed relatively unbothered. Why wouldn't he be, though? Joe was virtually a stranger to him.

The timer on the oven dinged. Alec used a tea towel to remove the tray of chicken and courgettes. He added a bit of seasoning to the veg before plating it in front of Fred.

Alec watched Fred eat. The boy's expression remained fairly neutral.

"Are you all right, Fred?"

"Yeah," Fred replied, biting into a breaded blob. He chewed a moment before continuing. "Is there ketchup?"

"I'll look."

Alec poked through the refrigerator before finding a half filled bottle. He placed it in front of Fred.

"Thank you," Fred responded with the immediacy of a child who'd had plenty of drilling on manners. He gave his chicken a generous pour of sauce.

Alec heard the living room door open. Miller said something to Tom, her voice too low to make out from the kitchen.

She eventually appeared in the doorway. Alec could hear Tom's footsteps ascending the staircase. His steps were slow but heavy.

"How was it?" Alec asked her quietly.

Miller shrugged. Her eyes were red-rimmed.

"Thanks for cooking," she told Alec. He nodded in acknowledgment.

Miller walked over to perch at the edge of the table, next to Fred's seat. She picked up a slice of courgette from his plate, giving it a sniff before placing it back down. She ran her fingers through Fred's unruly curls.

"Joe died," Fred informed her.

She looked over to Alec. He murmured a sorry.

She didn't look put out. Just resigned.

"Yeah," Miller responded to her youngest son. Her hand stayed in his hair.

"Is Tom okay?" Fred asked her.

"He will be," she responded quietly. "He's a bit sad. It's all mixed up."

"Are you sad?"

Miller let her hand fall to Fred's shoulder. "I'm just sad for Tom." She pulled him in for a squeeze, pushing her face into his hair.

Alec felt like an intruder as he did the washing up.

He could hear Tom's rumbling footsteps coming downstairs. They all looked to the kitchen door as he stuck his head in.

"Um, going to the Angler's for a bit," Tom said.

"Are you sure about that, sweetheart?" Miller asked, stroking Fred's hair.

"Yeah." Tom waved his mobile. "Gonna meet a couple of mates. They're already there."

He looked as neutral as Fred at the moment, but Alec suspected it may be a bit of a put on.

"Okay," Miller said reluctantly. "Well, ring if you need a lift later."

Tom nodded in departure. Miller could only look to Alec. He gave her a bit of a shrug as a nonverbal communication before turning back towards the sink.

* * *

Alec could hear Miller upstairs readying Fred for bed. He didn't feel right leaving. He waited for her, sat again at her dining room table, scrolling through some work emails on his mobile.

She eventually joined him, sitting and leaning on her elbows with a sigh. Alec watched her rub over her temples and eyes. She looked exhausted.

"I'm tempted to go to the Angler's, look in on Tom," Miller said. "Don't want to meddle, though."

"Do you trust his mates to look after him?" Alec asked.

Miller thought a spell. "I do, yeah."

"You think he'll tell them?" Alec asked.

Miller just shrugged.

"Sorry about telling Fred earlier," Alec continued.

She shook her head.

"It's fine, honestly. I talked to him a bit upstairs. It doesn't mean anything to him, really. He doesn't know Joe. He doesn't really know what death is, either. Well, I mean, he _knows_ what it is - he's nine - but I don't think he really grasps the concept."

Miller snorted to herself.

"Give him five or ten years to comprehend everything and then he can have a breakdown."

The corner of Alec's mouth twitched a bit.

Miller froze a moment. Alec could see realization pass over her face.

" _Shit_. Beth and Chloe."

Miller groaned and laid her head onto the table.

"I need to tell them," she muttered.

"I can do it, if you want," Alec volunteered.

"No," sighed Miller, raising her head. "It needs to come from me."

She leaned into her chair and pushed her hair back. " _Fucking_ hell. They'll need to ring Mark, tell him, too. God only knows how he'll react this time round."

Alec didn't know how to respond. He could only listen.

"You know," Miller said. "I always thought this would be the easiest option for us all, but it's not, is it? Christ. It's like Joe's created this mountain of shite that won't stop crashing down and burying everyone in his life."

They didn't speak for a long time. Alec studied Miller's face as she stared off into the living room. She didn't look sad, or upset - just tired. He decided to break the silence.

"I'll stay here and mind Fred. Go to the Latimer's."

Miller nodded in agreement. "Ta," she said before departing the room, leaving Alec alone


	2. Chapter 2

The front door opening started Alec awake. He sat up with a groan from his makeshift bed on Miller's couch. He'd dozed off before she'd returned.

Alec made his way to entry. There he found an unfamiliar young man struggling to keep Tom upright.

He could _smell_ the spirits on Tom before he got a good look at him. Tom was three sheets to the wind.

"Sorry," the young man said. "He can't walk on his own. Been trying to get him from my car to the house for the past ten minutes." The young man looked confused. "Sorry, who are you?"

"Um, I'm a friend of his mum's," Alec said, moving to Tom's other side.

He slung Tom's opposite arm over his shoulder and joined the mate in supporting his back. Slowly, laboriously, they managed to walk Tom up the stairs.

"Did something happen at the pub?" Alec asked the young man. They maneuvered Tom into his bedroom and onto his bed.

"No, don't think so," his mate responded. "He was pretty quiet tonight. Just kept drinking."

The mate rolled Tom onto his side. Tom just responded with a grunt, his eyes closed.

"Well, thanks for seeing him home..."

'I'm Scott."

"...Scott. You're a good man for looking after him."

Scott just nodded. "Me and Tom work together. I'll call in for him in the morning. He'll be in no state to go to the job site."

As they exited Tom's bedroom, Alec caught sight of the clock next to his bed. It was half one.

Alec walked Scott to the front door and then went to the kitchen. He filled a large glass of water for Tom before digging out an empty bucket and several clean tea towels.

He returned to Tom's room. Tom was asleep, his open mouth letting out heavy breaths.

"Tom, wake up." Alec shook him gently.

Tom groaned before opening his eyes. Alec held out the water.

"Drink a bit of this before you lie back down." Alec arranged the bucket next to the bed and laid out the tea towels over Tom's pillow.

Tom sat up a bit, his head rolling heavily and his eyes glazed. He managed several sips before lying back down.

"Keep drinking. Stay hydrated. I'm going to look in on you in a bit," Alec told Tom, who was fading fast. "You all right?"

"I don't want to think about it anymore," Tom responded, garbled.

"I understand," Alec replied quietly. Like Scott had, Alex once again pulled Tom to his side. Best not to leave him in the position to choke if he vomited in his sleep.

Alec departed Tom's bedroom and quietly peeked in on Fred. He was sound asleep. He looked into Miller's open bedroom door. Her bed was neatly made and still empty.

Back downstairs, Alec checked his mobile. No word from Miller. Two missed texts from Zoe, wondering where he was and when he was coming home. Polite, non confrontational.

_Just bloody get angry. Scream into my voicemail, tell me off._

Alec lay back on the couch and closed his eyes.

* * *

After several hours, a few trips upstairs to check on Tom, and no word from Miller - just one _good morning_ text from Zoe - Alec was once again stirred awake by the front door. Blearily, he stood up to find Miller creeping in.

"Sorry," she said, rubbing at her tired eyes. "We talked ages. I ended up sleeping on the sofa."

Miller grimaced a bit and stretched.

"We all did. My back's going to pay for this one for a week."

"How did they take it?" Alec inquired.

"You know..." Miller started. "About the same as the rest of us."

She peered around Alec to look into the living room.

"Talking of sleeping on sofas..." she said. "Thanks for staying here."

"Not a problem," Alec responded. "Tom got quite drunk last night. His mate saw him home. He's probably in for a rough morning."

"I don't blame him," sighed Miller. Her forehead creased in thought. "We went to family counselling a few years back. Maybe I should book more sessions. Be proactive." She pulled off her bag and anorak, hanging them on the coatrack. "I'll be in a bit late today. I'm going to wait for Tom to wake up first."

Alec was surprised. "Why not just take the whole day?"

Miller sighed to herself. "Why? It's just another day without Joe. Same as it's been for almost eight years."

Alec nodded. She did have a point. He pulled his own mac on.

"Thank you, though, for everything," Miller continued. "Tell Zoe thanks, too, and sorry, for holding you up. She's extremely patient, isn't she?"

"Aye, she is," Alec responded with a bit of a sigh. He noticed Miller give him a flicker of an inquisitive look.

"Well, see you in a bit."

* * *

Alec returned home to find Zoe in the kitchen, finishing breakfast and preparing to leave for work.

"There you are," Zoe chirped. Almost automatically, she pulled another mug from the cupboard to pour Alec some tea.

"Um, ta," Alec replied. After a brief pause, he leaned to kiss her on the cheek. Zoe smiled and moved in for his lips.

"I didn't hear from you. I was worried." Alec could see a bit of hardness in her eyes underneath her wide smile.

"I'm sorry... there was, um, a complication with an old case. It's sorted now, though."

Technically, it was true. He'd never told Zoe about anything relating to Joe Miller. He figured it was Miller's information to share, not his. It was in the past, for good now, much like Sandbrook. He never told Zoe about that, either. Why drudge up old problems?

"I understand," Zoe replied.

If this had been ten years back and he'd pulled something like that on Tess, she wouldn't understand. She'd have ripped his head off.

Tess was always assertive. Alec missed that about her.

Zoe glanced up at the wall clock. "Well, I'd best be off." She gave Alec another lingering kiss. "I love you," she said after pulling away.

"Love you, too," Hardy said. The words felt unnatural leaving his mouth.

Alec sipped his tea in the kitchen as Zoe departed.

_You absolute bastard._

* * *

No one else in CID knew about Joe's death. Why would they? They either weren't around in the aftermath of the Latimer case or they'd known Miller long enough to move on.

Life went on.

Alec's day was kept busy with many low and mid priority tasks. No pressing matters at the moment, but plenty that needed doing.

He was surprised to walk into his office after a meeting with the chief super to find Miller already in it. She was on her mobile and lying on his sofa, her knees over the arm and feet dangling. She waved in acknowledgment as Alec sat himself behind his desk.

"I understand, but that kind of decision making isn't really in Tom's skill set and he's having a difficult enough time with this as it is... Well, yeah, I don't really have a preference, so I'll leave it up to him... I'll ring you when I know more about what's going on. Thanks, Chris... yeah, you too."

Miller ended the call but didn't sit up.

"Sorry, needed a place to answer a call." She stared up at the ceiling. "This actually feels marvelous on my back."

"Everything okay?" Alec asked.

"Yeah. That was Christopher, Joe's brother. They hadn't heard... what happened. Anyway, we're trying to figure out what the hell to do with Joe's body. Chris thinks Tom should be the one to decide, being that's he technically Joe's next of kin. I mean, I can see his point, but..."

Miller trailed off with a sigh.

"I really didn't budget for this bullshit. Can't we just chuck him in the sea?"

Alec snorted involuntarily. His reaction made Miller smile ruefully.

"What kind of relationship did Joe have with his family?" he asked.

"None, basically," Miller replied. "Joe always maintained that they were really difficult people. The first time I'd ever spoken to Chris was a few years back. He'd tracked me down, asked if I knew where Joe was. We got talking, and it turns out... Joe had left home unexpectedly after he'd finished school. Chris says a girl in Joe's year had been sexually assaulted right before then, and that the case was never solved. Christopher wondered if maybe..."

Miller didn't finish the sentence. She didn't need to.

"He said they tried to reach out to him when he was arrested. He wouldn't take their calls or return their letters."

She was lost in thought a long moment.

"I wonder if there was ever anyone Joe was completely honest with."

Miller pushed herself up to her elbows and swung her feet to the floor.

"Well, we won't know now, will we?"

She stood and walked out of Alec's office. He watched her through the blinds as she headed to her own desk and turned on the computer's monitor.

* * *

"Alec," Zoe said, sitting up in bed and fussing with the sheets on her lap. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

Alec walked into their bedroom from the ensuite, where he'd been readying for bed. He'd gone home after work. Zoe had made them a nice dinner. They'd had sex. Zoe gave her best work, as she always did, but Alec was so distracted by Miller's situation that he wasn't entirely concentrating.

"What about?" he asked, perching at the edge of the bed.

"Well," Zoe began. "I've got my annual booked next week, and I was thinking..." She looked nervous. "I was thinking about getting my coil removed."

"Oh."

_Oh bloody hell, here it comes._

"It doesn't mean anything has to happen right away. It takes a few months before the hormones are out of your system and your cycle regulates. What do you think about it?"

Zoe was staring him down intently, wide-eyed.

"Um, yeah, if you feel that's right for you," Alec responded. "I'll buy some condoms next time I'm at the shops."

Alec could swear he saw a flicker of disappointment pass over Zoe's face.

"What do you think about... trying soon, for a baby?"

He hesitated, pushing his bangs off his forehead.

"Well, um... Do you think now is the right time, love?"

Zoe chuckled nervously. "Is there _ever_ a right time? That's what they say, isn't it?"

"Yeah..."

"I mean, you must have felt this way when you tried for Daisy, and everything worked out there, didn't it?"

_Other than the infidelity, divorce, several years of parental alienation on my part, and Daisy's social issues - yes, worked out brilliantly._

"Talking of Daisy," Alec started. "She'd be 23 years older than her younger sibling. She could have children herself right now, if she wanted to."

He blanched a moment.

"I'd be nearly seventy by the time a baby would be finished with school."

"Neither one of us is getting any younger," Zoe said, almost snapping. "If not now, _when_?"

"I need... some time to think about this," Alec responded quietly. "We might just be at different points in our lives."

He leaned in and kissed her on the forehead. She looked downtrodden.

"I'm sorry," he said simply. "I'm going to get some water. Want any?"

Zoe just shook her head and resettled against the pillows, turning to her side. Alec walked out into the hall.

He did feel like the biggest arsehole in existence.

He had to do it. He had to break it off with her. He knew that waiting until she wanted the next stage in life was unforgivable.

Alec didn't bother to turn on the light in the kitchen. As he filled a drinking glass at the tap, he picked up his mobile. Miller had texted.

_Going to be out of the office tomorrow, maybe through Monday. Going to Liverpool to sort the Joe stuff. Tom didn't want to be involved._

He hesitated a moment before typing and response.

_Do you need help? I can go with you._

He sent it off before he could overthink it. A few days away from Zoe would probably be good for them both.

It was a couple of minutes before the response bubble appeared.

_Why?_

_In case a lot needs doing. I'm happy to come, if you want._

Miller responded a moment later.

_Your funeral._

Alec snorted to himself as he responded.

_Joe's funeral._

_When did you start bloody texting jokes?_

After a moment, another reply from Miller.

_I will come round at 9 tomorrow to pick you up._

_Although I'm fairly certain at this point someone's stolen your mobile and is impersonating you._

There was a moment before Miller sent another text.

_Thank you._

Alec plugged his mobile into the charger and retreated back to bed.


	3. Chapter 3

"When will Ellie be here?" Zoe inquired.

The next morning found tensions high over breakfast in the kitchen.

"In about 10 minutes, she said," replied Alec.

He took their plates from the table and went to the sink to wash up.

He'd told Zoe that the trip was worked-related. It was, technically. She agreed that time apart to think things over would be good for them both.

He always suspected Zoe was a bit wary of Miller. Didn't have any reason to be.

He first noticed it after they'd been dating for about six months. Zoe had popped into CID one afternoon to bring him an unexpected tea. That was the first time she'd met Miller.

 _That's Miller,_ she said once they were inside his office. _Why did I always assume you'd been talking about a man?_

Zoe and Miller were acquainted and got on. They didn't really know each other very well.

"What will you do this weekend?" he asked as he dried the dishes.

"Emily and I are having dinner tonight," she replied. "I was thinking about ringing Grace, seeing if she wanted to get together tomorrow. Haven't seen her in ages."

"Sounds nice," Alec said, putting the clean plates back in the cupboard.

"I value their opinions," Zoe said into her tea. "Plenty to talk about."

_I hope they tell you I'm a cunt and you should walk away, meet someone better._

Through the kitchen window, Alec could see Miller pull up outside the house.

"Well, looks like I'm off." Alec grabbed his duffle bag. Zoe followed him. Before he opened the door, he pulled her in for a kiss.

"I love you," he said.

Zoe looked unconvinced. "Yeah."

Alec opened the door and they both walked out. Miller had climbed out of her car and was opening the boot for him.

"Zoe, hi!" Miller said with a smile. Zoe did her best to return it.

Alec tossed his bag in the boot and felt around his jacket pockets. There was his wallet, but...

"Shit," he said. "Forgot my mobile. Give me a minute."

He jogged back inside. He went into the bedroom. Not on the bedside table. He glanced down. Not on the floor, either.

_I charged it in the kitchen last night._

In the kitchen, Alec pocketed his mobile and the charger. As he turned to leave, he found Zoe behind him.

Her arms were folded tight, anger in her eyes.

"You told me you were going on a work trip. Ellie just said her ex husband died, and you'd _offered_ to go with her to make the arrangements."

Alec sighed.

_Shit._

"I'm sorry... The situation with her ex husband is... complicated, and I don't want to spread Miller's business for her."

"Is this the same ex husband who killed a child?"

Alec was surprised.

"Did she just tell you that?"

Zoe threw up her hands in bewilderment.

"She didn't fucking _need_ to. Did you honestly think I'd _never_ Googled you in the past few years? You've been in the Daily Mail more often than most WAGs."

_Touche, Zoe._

"Christ, Alec... You never let me in. You don't tell me anything. You don't want a future together... What the _fuck_ are we doing?"

Alec didn't have an answer for her. Instead, he just stepped forward and rubbed her shoulders.

Zoe didn't move. She wouldn't look him in the eyes.

"Listen... we'll talk when I'm back. See your friends. Enjoy your weekend... I am sorry."

"Don't be," she muttered. She laughed to herself. "I'm the fucking idiot who's wasted four years on a man who doesn't care about me."

Alec wanted to respond, but he didn't want to come across as condescending.

_She has every right to be angry._

"I do care about you," he said futilely. He pecked her on the cheek. "See you in a few days."

Zoe just turned to walk into the hallway. Alec departed with a sigh.

Miller was sat in the driver's seat outside. She gave him a curious look as he climbed in.

"Everything okay?" she inquired.

Alec fastened his seat belt and didn't reply. Miller just looked to the road and pulled away from the curb.

* * *

Alec had to hand it to Miller. One of her strengths as a detective was interrogation.

It only took two hours on the M5 before she pestered him into admitting what had happened with Zoe.

"Oh, _bloody hell_."

Miller was agape.

"Did you two really _never_ talk about whether or not to have kids?"

Alec sighed. "Once or twice... I just assumed she didn't really want to."

"Assumptions. Always a good part of any healthy relationship."

Miller changed lanes.

"No offense, but it sounds like the two of you are shit at communicating."

_She has a point._

"What will you do, then?"

"Split up probably," he muttered. "It's not like there's a way to compromise on a baby. You have one or you don't."

"Do you even want to break up with her?"

"It's not like there's another option, is there? If she wants to be a mother, she needs to find someone else to do it with."

"How old is she even? 35, 36?"

"38," Alec replied.

Miller gave him a horrified look.

"And you _never_ thought to have a serious talk about having a baby?" She shook her head. "Oh, I would have _killed_ you if I were in her position. You should probably expect to be dead by next week."

Miller pulled off the motorway.

"This might be a horrible question..." she started. "But do you love her enough to be willing to give her what she wants? Even if it means you have to forfeit?"

Alec considered the question. "I sometimes wonder if we're together more out of convenience than anything else. I love her but... I don't know if we ever thought of our relationship as being for the long term."

Miller maneuvered into a filling station.

" _You_ may have thought that," she said, turning off the engine. "But I _guarantee_ you that she has always approached dating as vetting a lifelong partner. She wouldn't have moved you into her home if she thought your relationship was temporary."

_Miller was right._

_Shit._

"Um, need anything from inside?" Alec asked.

"Smarties," Miller instantly replied. "And water."

Miller topped off the petrol and Alec walked into the shop. As he wandered the aisles, he thought to what Miller had said.

Yeah, it would be a major sacrifice.

It could potentially be a great thing, to have another child.

Yes, he was bloody old, but Zoe was thirteen years younger. She'd be around much longer.

Daisy, too, even though she'd be middle aged by the time the baby was an adult.

Even if he wasn't in love with Zoe, he could work on his mindset. Concentrate on being a good partner and a good father instead of relying on all-consuming love as the basis of their relationship.

Like Miller said, their communication needed work. That had to be his priority.

Alec headed for the till with their waters and Miller's Smarties.

As the cashier rang up his purchases, Alec noticed a display with some boxes of condoms. He added one of the boxes to his order.

Looking ahead towards the future, maybe? Like Zoe said, it's unlikely anything would happen for a few months.

He paid and headed back to the car, sticking the box in his suit jacket before Miller noticed it.

* * *

"Did you say left or right?"

"Left, two lights up."

They'd finally arrived in Liverpool. Alec was navigating on GPS as they looked for the municipal building that housed the coroner's office.

"There it is," Alec pointed. "Carpark's just there."

Miller parked and they exited her vehicle. As they approached the front door, Alec noticed a bit of apprehension flicker over Miller's expression.

"You all right?" he asked.

She took in a deep breath.

"Yeah... bit nervous all of a sudden."

She didn't need to elaborate.

Alec studied the Sovietesque facade of the building. It took him a moment to realize that Miller was already walking in. He jogged after her.

Miller approached the reception desk, Hardy at her heels.

"Hiya," she told the receptionist. "I have a 3:00 appointment with Mr. Jepson."

"Your name, please?" the receptionist inquired.

"Elizabeth Miller."

It wasn't long before they were ushered into the coroner's office, joined by a local DC. Miller began unloading documents from a canvas bag.

"Here's a copy of our marriage certificate, as well as the decree absolute," she said, sliding it over to the DC. "It was granted two years ago."

The DC studied the documents. "Which one of you applied for the divorce?"

"I did," replied Miller. "On grounds of abandonment. I hadn't seen or heard from him in about three years at that point."

"And he didn't contest the divorce?" the DC asked.

Miller shook her head.

"Did his brother, Christopher, call here?" she asked. "He said he would phone ahead and let you know that I was coming to make the arrangements."

"He did," the DC said. "I'm sorry to took so long to get ahold of you. Mr. Miller was using an assumed name. He'd given this employer false emergency contacts."

"That doesn't surprise me," Miller replied, looking grim.

The DC handed her a large plastic bag. "These are the personal effects that were on his body when he was brought in."

Miller hesitantly accepted it.

The coroner spoke up for the first time in several minutes.

"I'll remit a copy of my final report to you. I'm classifying his death as asphyxiation and ruling it a suicide. You'll need to contact a funeral director. Reception has a list of local people who can tend to the body."

He looked between Miller and Alec.

"Would you like to see him?"

"No," Miller responded almost immediately. "Um, no thank you. I'll just... make the arrangements and get someone here to take him off your hands."

"Erm," the DC started. "Your husband's landlord left his details as well, asked you to contact him about what you'd like to do with the flat."

He handed a paper to Miller, who accepted it with a resigned sigh.

" _Shit_ ," she muttered. Miller glanced to Alec. "How did we both manage to forget this step?"

Alec just shook his head.

"Well, thank you," Miller said, standing up. She shook the hands of the coroner and the DC. "I appreciate all you've both done."

"Good luck. Genuinely," the coroner responded.

Miller nodded. She left the room, Alec right behind her.

Back outside, Miller paused to take a breath. She clutched her canvas bag in one hand and the plastic-encased remains of Joe's possessions in the other.

"You okay?" Alec asked her.

"Fine," she replied curtly. "Never better."

She dropped the plastic bag in a nearby rubbish bin without looking inside before stalking back to the car.


	4. Chapter 4

"Right, here we are."

Alec stood outside the unremarkable door to Joe's flat. The landlord unlocked it using a key from a full ring.

Alec glanced back at Miller, who was standing by her car, talking into her mobile.

"The flat was let furnished, so all that should stay," the landlord continued. "Everything else goes."

He gestured at a small car parked at the curb.

"That's his vehicle. Hopefully you can find the keys inside the flat."

"Um, ta," replied Alec. "What about the lease? Do we... does his ex-wife need to pay to break it?"

The landlord shook his head. "You know... don't worry about it. I'm sorry for your loss."

Alec wondered if he should say something to catch the landlord up to speed, but decided against it.

"Thank you. We, um, appreciate it."

The landlord departed and Miller finished her call. They stood together in front of Joe's open door.

"Good news is landlord is letting the lease go," Alec told her. "The furniture is all his. The only thing is -" Alec gestured to the curb "-That's Joe's car."

Miller glanced back at it and grimaced. She pulled out her mobile and snapped a few pictures.

"I'm listing it online for any cash offer. Hopefully the vehicle registration certificate is in there. Maybe we can unload it tonight."

They peered into the dark flat.

"Do we really have to go in there?" Miller sighed.

She hesitated a moment before entering. Alec followed her.

He flipped a light switch as they both assessed the room.

There didn't appear to be many personal items in the sitting room, thankfully. A small kitchenette was off to the side. Miller marched over to rummage through the cupboards under the sink. She emerged with an open box of bin liners.

"Everything goes in the rubbish," she announced, pulling several liners from the box.

Miller opened the refrigerator and began sweeping its contents into the bin bag.

Alec watched her a moment before grabbing several bags himself. He wandered further into the flat before he came across Joe's bedroom.

He figured it would be better him than Miller to deal with it.

Alec opened the wardrobe and binned Joe's clothes, hangers and all. After filling several bags, he began stripping the bed. It was made, but the sheets were mussed and streaked with bits of dirt. He glanced up to the beams of the ceiling.

_Must have been where Joe did it._

He didn't spend anymore time thinking it over as he bundled the bedclothes into a bin liner.

Next was the bureau. Sat on top was an older laptop, alongside Joe's mobile, wallet, and keys.

Alec slipped the keys into his pocket and ushered everything else into the bag with the sheets. The rest didn't matter.

He didn't dare meddle with whatever the contents of the mobile and the computer might be.

It took him about an hour to clear Joe's bedroom and bathroom. He hauled the heavy bags out to a wheelie bin in the back alley, which was quickly filling up. He reentered the flat to find Miller binning the scant contents of the living room.

"Found the car keys," Alec told her, fishing them from his pocket.

"Ah, brilliant," she replied. "A buyer is on his way. Just need to make sure everything's sorted in the car."

"Finish up in here," Alec replied. "I'll look."

He went back outside and manually unlocked the car. Other than the necessary documents in the glove compartment, there was nothing in the vehicle. It was as impersonal and anonymous as the contents of Joe's flat.

Alec and Miller finished cleaning out the flat, stopping only to exchange the car for a small sum of cash. A father purchased it as a first car for his teenage sons. The kids looked excited.

Heaven help them if they knew about the previous owner.

* * *

"I want to wash my hands again," Miller said, examine her palms. "I still don't feel clean."

The evening found them sat in a Liverpool restaurant after their long day of sorting Joe's crap. Even though they'd both washed up in the restaurant's loo before sitting, Alec had to agree with Miller. There was a certain lingering stain that seemed to stick to them both after cleaning out the flat.

The waiter came round to take their drink orders.

"Red," Miller said immediately. "Do you have a burgundy or the like?"

The waiter nodded.

"Yes, that. Bottle, please."

Alec tried not to react with his face, but Miller caught the twitch in his expression.

"What? I'll share. Joe's car is paying for all of this, so we might as well go big."

The waiter looked confused before he departed. Miller stood up.

"I can't take this. I'm going to the loo to scrub off my hands."

The evening went on and the stress of the day began to gradually disperse a bit. The restaurant was a nice place and the food was good.

Alec had a glass of the burgundy and Miller finished the rest of the bottle.

He tried to convinced her to switch back to one glass at a time. Miller won that round.

By the time they'd finished half the second bottle both had relaxed quite a bit.

"...So I made contact with a funeral director earlier," Miller told Alec. "He said he can pick Joe up from the coroner in the morning and finish the cremation tomorrow. They have a family plot at some church in Cardiff. Christopher already talked to the sexton there about getting him buried. No service, no headstone... just chuck him in and be done with it, thank fuck."

"Why not just dump him in the water here? Save you a trip to Cardiff."

Miller's lip twitched with a smile into her glass. She suddenly looked a bit more serious.

"Listen, if you need to be back to Broadchurch I'll ask the funeral director to post him to Christopher and we can get back tomorrow evening."

Alec shook his head.

"Nah. Zoe made weekend plans and odd as it is to say... I'm actually enjoying being away from her house for a few days."

Miller wrinkled her forehead at him.

"What?" he asked.

"You said ' _her_ house,'" Miller replied. "Haven't _you_ been living there for a couple of years?"

"Well, yeah, but... I mean, it's hers."

_Shit._

Miller had some kind of point, but Alec decided to pretend she didn't for a moment.

His third glass of wine was kicking in.

"Does she own or let?" Miller asked.

"Let," Alec said reluctantly.

She raised her brows a moment before descending into snickers.

"What?" Alec tried to grouse, but Miller's laughter was a bit catching. He had to chuckle at his own absurdity. Miller was covering her mouth, but shook with laughter.

She was _plenty_ drunk.

Alec briefly wondered what Zoe was currently doing. Probably sat across from some mate, talking about their situation, too.

He doubted Zoe and her mate were laughing. This thought did sober him up a bit.

Metaphorically.

Miller caught the change in his expression as she wiped her eyes.

"Oh, look at your face. Why don't you just bloody call her?"

Alec sighed as he refilled his wine.

"What would I even say?" he asked, pouring the remains of the bottle into Miller's glass.

"I don't know! It's your bloody conversation."

She sipped her wine as he leaned forward, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," Alec muttered.

"Then stop _thinking_ about it," Miller said. "You've got quite the puss on, you know. I can tell you've been obsessing."

Alec tried to glare at her but had a hard time looking cross in his wine haze.

"Actually," she continued. "Your predicament has been a good distraction from the Joe shite, so in some odd way, I'm appreciative."

"Glad to be of service," he replied, raising his glass in a mock toast.

"Seriously, though," Miller said, looking more somber. "Thank you... for being here."

He only nodded in reply.

* * *

"Just checking in, love," Miller said into her mobile. "How was your day?"

Alec looked out into the dark river as he and Miller walked back to their hotel. She had just spoken to Fred - thrilled to be staying the weekend with a mate and his parents - and was now on the phone with Tom.

"...It's sorted, sweetheart. We're taking him up to Cardiff tomorrow and we'll be back tomorrow evening or Monday. But, y'know, don't worry about that..."

Alec wondered if Tom and Fred's mates' mum could hear how drunk Miller was. He was fairly tipsy himself, but she'd put away a few more glasses than he had.

She stumbled a bit as they walked. Alec instinctively reached for her bicep to keep her steady and upright.

"...Just enjoy your weekend, yeah? Call Ruby. Invite her over. I don't mind... Oh, is she? Well, tell her I say hello. Just - try to rest a bit this weekend, get your mind off things... _No!_ Just a bit of wine with dinner... I love you. Goodnight."

Miller slipped her phone back in her purse and let out a deep breath.

"Christ," she muttered to herself.

"How's Tom?" Alec asked.

He realized he was still holding on to Miller's arm. He decided to keep his hand where it was, in case she tripped again.

"I don't know," she sighed. "I can't tell."

"Who's Ruby?"

"Tom's girlfriend," Miller replied. "She's spending the weekend. Sweet girl, Ruby is." She pointed at Alec's face. "Tom got her off Tinder, too. Same as you."

Alec snorted. "Well, hopefully he doesn't stay on the same Tinder date for four years because it's easier than putting yourself back out there."

Miller looked aghast.

" _Fucking_ hell," she said. She tried to look indignantly in his direction, but stumbled again.

He readjusted to put his arm around Miller's back to keep her steady.

"Not taking the piss from a woman who can barely walk in a straight line."

Miller snorted in response. She lost her balance a bit, leaning into him as she mostly stayed upright.

They soon arrived at the hotel.

Alec walked Miller to her room, helping her to insert the keycard after a few failed attempts. With the door finally open, she stumbled into the dark room and deposited herself face first onto the bed. Alec followed her in long enough to refill her half-full water bottle and leave it on the nightstand.

"I'm next door if you need anything," he told the back of her head.

Miller just grunted in response.

"Text or knock or... yell if you need anything. Goodnight."

"Night..." she said, voice muffled in the duvet.

Alec left Miller's room and entered his own. There was a connecting door between the rooms.

He figured he could occasionally get up in the night and knock to check up on Miller.

Better to get the bollocking than let her die of alcohol poisoning.

He didn't bother to ready himself for bed. Alec took off his jacket, shirt and trousers. He dumped them onto a chair before climbing into bed clad only in his boxer briefs.

After turning out the light, Alec stretched his arms out wide and reveled in the feeling of an empty bed.

_Christ, you're a cunt._


	5. Chapter 5

The sun coaxed Alec awake. He glanced at his mobile as he stretched. It was nearly ten.

This was the longest lie-in Alec had in ages.

It felt _amazing._

Alec climbed out of bed and stretched out, sore from a day of driving and an evening of drinking. He wandered to the window and gazed out at Liverpool. The overcast sky and grey water didn't seem particularly inviting that morning.

He pulled a jumper on and stepped back into his trousers before opening the connecting door between his room and Miller's.

"Wake up," Alec said, knocking on her door.

He waited a moment before he could hear her slowly approach.

"Oh my god, _what_?" Miller groused, half awake, as she opened the door.

At some point in the night, she'd put her pyjamas on. Alec thought if he should point out that the buttons were off by about two holes, but decided against it.

Miller left the door ajar and wandered back to bed. Alec stood awkwardly in the doorway as she pulled up the sheets and settled back into the pillows.

"Good morning," he said futilely.

Miller huffed in response.

"Why'd you wake me so bloody _early_?" she mumbled.

"It's ten o'clock," he replied. "We've got to be at the funeral director's at one, and I don't dare go anywhere with you if you're hungover and haven't had breakfast. So, move your arse."

Miller rolled facedown. "That's not for three bloody hours. Doesn't take long to eat a bacon sarnie."

* * *

With enough cajoling, Alec was able to talk Miller into getting out of bed and going to breakfast. He sipped tea and tried to ignore his own headache as Miller stared at the toast and sausage on her plate, her hair down and almost obscuring her face. She reminded him of Daisy in a mood - a hungover, middle aged Daisy. Alec almost laughed. He silenced himself with a bite of egg instead.

"Talked to the boys this morning?" he asked Miller.

She shook her head. "Not yet," she replied, picking up a toast point. She considered it.

"You'd better eat," Hardy said. "Absorb the alcohol. It will make the Joe stuff easier."

"That's all we talk about, you know," Miller responded, putting the toast down. She gave Alec a sleepy glare. "Don't you ever resent it?"

"Resent what?" he replied, trying to avoid chewing with his mouth open.

"The last 24 hours, it's been what? Joe and Zoe, Zoe and Joe," Miller said. "That's it. Our lives are completely dictated by other people. It's them, or work, or kids. We don't talk about anything else."

Alec shrugged as he bit into his own toast. "What do you want to talk about?"

"I don't know," Miller sighed. She looked out the window into the carpark. "There isn't anything else, is there? That's the problem, isn't it?"

He didn't have an answer for her. She was right, though.

The remainder of breakfast was fairly quiet. Alec glanced over the table at Miller. She kept her eyes down at her plate as she pushed her food around. As he watched her, he wondered how happy she really was. Yes, she was cheery - almost relentlessly so - and no matter what had happened to her, she'd pick herself up and carry on. Alec knew that a lot of her friendliness and optimism was worn like chainmail, meant to protect and deflect from the judgement still aimed at her for being the onetime Mrs. Joe Miller.

Alec always had assumed that she was content in life, if not happy.

Or _had_ he? How much thought had he really put into considering Miller's wellbeing?

He realized that she almost always kept tabs on him. Miller knew what was going on in his life, because she _asked_. She always inquired after Daisy. She checked up on him.

It occurred to Alec that he didn't know much about Miller outside of what she volunteered. No, she wasn't one to keep her feelings to herself, and if she was particularly cross about something relating to work or home she almost always unloaded with a stream of consciousness rant.

He would never ask her personal questions, however. It felt like prying.

He really didn't know what Miller got up to in her life outside of work. He had no idea if she dated anyone. Hell, he hadn't even known her status with Joe until she needed to take a couple of days off for court about six months into the divorce process.

If the constabulary in Liverpool hadn't phoned him because they were looking for his subordinate, Alec wondered, would she have even told him what had happened?

Alec was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice that Miller was looking back up at him.

"What?" she griped.

It took him a moment to come back to reality.

"Is there something on my face?" Miller asked him. "What are you staring at?"

"It's, um, half twelve," Alec replied. We should probably finish up."

Miller shrugged. " _Fine_."

She stood up with a groan to take care of the bill while Alec mentally scolded himself.

_Get it together, mate._

* * *

Although it had been a few hours, Alec wasn't sure how sober Miller really was and insisted on driving her car to the funeral director's. There was quite a bit of work being done on the roadway, which slowed down their drive considerably. He was surprised to see several worker vans parked outside the building once they arrived in the carpark.

They exited the car and entered the flurry of activity in the funeral director's reception. Miller and Alec glanced around the room, busy with men in boiler suits carrying tool chests. They approached a harried looking young woman behind a desk.

"Hi," Miller started. "I'm, um, here to pick up some cremains."

"Hiya," the young woman responded. "What's the name of the deceased?"

"Joseph Miller." Alec could see a ghost of a grimace on Miller's face as she said his name. "I'm his ex wife. I'm picking him up on behalf of his brother, Christopher."

"Right - oh bloody hell, I'm sorry - I meant to ring you earlier but it's been a madhouse in here today. Our gas line was damaged by some road construction. We're a day or two behind on cremations. I know you're from out of the area, so he's one of the first on the list once everything's sorted with the public utilities."

"Oh," Miller replied, deflated.

"I'm really sorry," the woman said. "We can send his remains to you through the post, or transfer him to another director's, if they have availability today. Also," the young woman gestured across the busy room. "Don't know if she's a friend of yours, but she seems quite confused about the whole situation."

"Who?" Alec and Ellie looked in the direction she pointed. A woman - mid 50s, short blond hair - was sat on a sofa, looking down at her mobile. Sensing eyes on her, the woman looked up. A hardness passed over her face as she stood to approach them.

"Are you Jim's wife?" The woman stared down Miller, who shook her head with uncertainty.

"Um, I think you've got me mistaken with someone else. I'm not married and I don't know anyone named Jim."

"Jim Roberts?" the woman blazed. "Took his own life last week?"

"I'm sorry..." Miller glanced sideways at Alec. "Who are you?"

"I'm Anna," the woman snapped. "I'm Jim's girlfriend."

"Anna," Miller said hesitantly. "Like I said, I don't know a Jim..."

"It's taken me days to find out what's happened," Anna hissed. Her eyes were angry with tears. "The police wouldn't tell me anything because I'm not his bloody family. I had to find out from Jim's landlord that he'd died and his so-called wife had been around to ransack his flat. I've called every funeral director in town to find his body, and according to this twit-" Anna gestured to the young woman at reception, who glowered at her." "-I have no right to give him a proper burial. We've been together for almost two years, and I have to submit to the woman who abandoned him and kept his children from him."

Miller seemed lost for words. "Um... this isn't..."

Anna interrupted her. "This is your fault, you know. You made him incredibly unhappy. How could you keep such a good man from his children?"

Miller was aghast, and Anna kept going. This time, she focused on Alec. "And who the _hell_ are you, then? You the man she had an affair with? I heard about that. Hope it was worth driving a man to his death for a bit of fun with this slag."

Alec almost interjected, but Miller beat him to the punch. "Are we talking about the same person? I was married to Joe Miller. Joseph Miller, actually." Miller gestured at Anna's mobile. "Google him. Did he tell you he'd killed a child? He was a paedophile, you know. Have you got kids? Was he ever around them?"

Anna was momentarily speechless. Miller continued.

"I'm just here to sweep up his shite, same as I've been stuck doing these past eight years. You and I were both deceived by the same man. Look, I'm sorry you lost someone you cared about, but I didn't. I'm relieved he's gone. I hate him for the pain he caused my children and my friends. Trust me, neither of us actually knew him."

The room, previously bustling with activity, was eerily quiet as workers and staff couldn't help but overhear.

Anna looked overwhelmed. Alec internally pitied her a bit.

He fished his badge from the back pocket of his trousers. He had no authority in this jurisdiction, but he doubted Anna would object in her shock.

"I'll escort you to your car," he told Anna, showing her the badge. He gestured at the door, and Anna robotically made her way to the exit.

"You're not to contact Mrs. Miller or the funeral director again," he told her sternly. "Move forward. You're better off."

Anna nodded and climbed into her hatchback. Alec watched her drive away before he sensed someone behind him. He turned to see Miller.

"Are you all right?" he asked her.

"Just queasy," she replied. "More so than before. Thanks for..." She trailed off, gesturing at the car park.

"What do you want to do about...?" Alec began.

Miller shook her head.

"They said I could call later, make a decision then." She sighed. "I need a fucking lie down. Can we go back to the hotel?"

* * *

They made their way back to the hotel and trudged down the hall to their rooms. Alec felt his mobile buzz. He pulled it from his pocket and couldn't repress a sigh when he saw the caller ID.

Miller glanced up from her open door to his face.

"Zoe?" she inquired.

Alec nodded, looking down at the phone, still vibrating in his hand.

"Bloody answer it," Miller sighed. "Come over when you're finished."

She stepped into the room and briefly stuck her head back out.

"Good luck," she said, the door closing behind her.

Alec took in a breath and accepted the call. "Hi, Zoe."

"Hello, you," she responded over the line.

He was surprised that she sounded so upbeat.

"How has your weekend been?" she asked.

"Um, tricky," Alec replied, sitting himself on his bed. "There were a few... complications with the arrangements, and we're - Miller's still trying to sort them."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Zoe replied.

There was a bit of an awkward pause. "Um, how has your's been?" Alec inquired.

"Good... had a nice dinner last night. And I've been thinking..."

_Here it comes._

"...You know, I love you, and I want to make this work."

_Oh._

That's not what Alec had been expecting.

"I"m going ahead with removing the coil. When you're back, let's talk about our options. I want a life with you, Alec. What we have together is so good."

_Is it?_

"Oh... yes, yeah... we'll talk when I'm back. Um, still seeing your mate for dinner tonight?"

"I am. We're going to that new Italian place."

_Maybe this friend can provide an alternate perspective. A little tough love, perhaps._

"Well, enjoy yourself, love. I'll see you... actually, not entirely sure when we're back."

"Okay... well, safe travels."

"You, too." Alec cringed at himself. "I mean..."

Zoe chuckled. "I know what you mean. I love you."

"Me too. Goodnight."

Alec ended the call and sighed.

_Fuck._

He stood to open the door between the rooms, once again rapping on Miller's side.

Miller let him in, looking as tired as she had that morning. She studied his face and creased her brows together.

"Did Zoe break things off?"

Alec was taken aback. "No... quite the opposite. She wants to move forward."

"Oh," Miller responded. "Sorry. Thought you looked upset."

_Well, there we are._

Miller returned to her made bed, curling up on top of the sheets. Alec hesitated a moment before perching himself at the opposite edge of the bed.

"You know," Miller said, closing her eyes. "We might as well head back to Broadchurch today. No point in staying in Liverpool. I'll figure out something with Chris."

"You sure you want to leave right away?" he asked her.

"What else are we going to do?" she murmured. "Look at the water? Find overzealous Beatles fans? Buy some petrol and burn Joe ourselves?"

He snorted in reply.

"I can do whatever you want," he told her.

"I just need some sleep first," she said, adjusting the pillow under her head. "I'm so bloody tired."

Alec settled his back against the headboard and glanced down at Miller. He'd been so focused on her today that Zoe had nearly slipped his mind before their conversation.

Deep down, he'd expected that she'd want to end things.

He tried to ignore the inkling of disappointment he felt that she hadn't.

Alec did feel he owed it to Zoe to make things work. He could give her children. They could buy a house. He could make a new family be the focus of his life. He'd cut down on time spent in CID. Not waste Zoe's time.

Zoe was a meticulous planner. Once the coil was out, she'd probably set up a regime of vitamins and temperature-taking. She'd get the best advice off chat groups and from recommended books. They'd make love on a schedule to strengthen the odds of conceiving. She could have a child or two in the next fews years. Somewhere in there, Zoe would plan them a lovely, tasteful, intimate wedding.

He thought back to when he and Tess tried for Daisy. They'd been younger, of course, in their late 20s. Sex was spontaneous and enjoyable. Every time during the process, he felt the thrill that this may have been when they created a baby.

Alec glanced over at Miller. She was asleep.

He closed his eyes and leaned back a bit himself.

_Change your mindset. Don't make this about you. Make it about Zoe._

_If this is your worst option, you've got it pretty bloody easy._

* * *

Alec stirred awake. His kip had been so restless he'd almost not realized he'd nodded off himself.

_Oh bloody hell._

He'd woken up rock hard.

Must have been all the musing about sex he'd done before falling asleep.

He looked over at Miller, who'd flipped to her opposite side, her back to him. Alec hoped she was still sleeping and he could slip back to his room without her seeing his erection.

Alec heard a bit of sniffling and saw Miller reach up to brush her own face. She was awake, crying quietly.

He felt for Miller. In the past few days, she'd never taken a moment to really express any feeling beyond anger, focus, or dulled acceptance.

Alec momentary forgot his predicament and reached over to rest a comforting hand on her shoulder.

Her sniffs turned into deeper sobs at the feel of his hand. She shook quietly, bringing her hand to her face.

Alec squeezed her shoulder and rubbed her arm. As he attempted to soothe her, he moved closer to her than he'd intended.

Miller froze somewhat.

_Shit._

She could feel his cock through his trousers touching the small of her back.

Alec pulled away and cursed. Miller glanced back at him, her cheeks still wet.

"Oh, _god_ ," Alec said, sitting up abruptly and swinging his feet off the bed. "I'm sorry, this is so inapp-"

"Do you want to have sex?" Miller asked suddenly.

He froze, taken aback. The question did nothing to help his _situation._

Miller shook her head a moment. "I'm sorry. You're right, that was inappropriate. For a second there, I just thought - it could be a good distraction, from everything. I don't think I could stomach any more alcohol for a few days, so drinking's out of the question."

Miller sat up. She was speaking quickly.

"Forget I said anything. Here you are, trying to make things right with -"

Alec interrupted her. " _Miller_."

She stopped talking and looked intently at him.

"I'm... It's not a problem that you asked. I just... don't want to take advantage of you. You're in the middle of a lot..."

Miller snorted. "You're not taking advantage of me. It was my idea, and not a very good one, so I'm sorry-"

Alec reached for Miller's shoulder. She quieted. They gave each other a long look, mutually nonverbally agreeing. Miller slowly leaned in to kiss him. They were both cautious at first, their lips carefully feeling out the situation. They paused while their faces stayed close a moment, as if they were both thinking it over.

Alec resumed the kiss, more emboldened this time. He reached behind Miller, pulling her in more closely by the waist. She allowed her other hand to reach up so she could hold both Alec's shoulders.

They gradually picked up the pace and allowed their tongues to intermingle. Alec shuddered a bit. He was impossibly aroused.

Miller didn't break the snog as she pushed him backwards onto her bed. She climbed on top of him, spreading her legs and settling on top of his hard cock. Although they were both clothed, she ground against him as they kissed.

Her hands supported her against the mattress. Alec groped her clothed arse and pushed his hands under her shirt and onto the bare skin of her back. He pulled them out to squeeze her tits over her clothing. Miller breathed heavily against him, sitting herself deeper against his erection.

Alec released her long enough to pull himself out from under her and into a seated position. He tugged at the hem of Miller's shirt. She wordlessly lifted her arms to allow him to pull it off.

He stared down her breasts, still housed in her utilitarian beige bra. He put his hands over the cups, squeezing her breasts. Miller reached behind herself to unclasp the bra. Alec pulled it off and tossed it to the ground.

This time, Alec pushed Miller backwards on the bed. He climbed on top of her and leaned down, grabbing her wrists. He pinned them against the mattress, over her head. Miller breathed heavily, captive in place, as he studied her bare breasts. Alec didn't release her arms as he leaned in, planting his lips against her neck. He kissed down to her collar bone as she moaned softly.

Alec released her wrists and slid his hands over her outstretched arms as he moved himself down. His mouth came to the top of her breast and sucked against the soft flesh. He could feel the rise and fall of her chest underneath his face. He ran his lips down between her tits. Alec let go of Miller's arms so his hands could move to her breasts while he kissed her sternum. She whimpered a bit as he squeezed her.

He moved his face to one breast, opening his mouth to suck at side of her areola. Alec's other hand squeezed the opposite tit, rolling her nipple between his fingers. He subconsciously ground himself against her as he explored her breasts with his hand and mouth.

"Oh _god_ ," Miller breathed out quietly at his touch.

Alec moved his lips to the other breast and let his free hand slide down Miller's stomach to the waistband of her jeans. He licked at her breast, less gently this time, as he undid her button and unzipped her trousers. They both gasped as his fingers touched the warmth of her core.

Miller pulled him back up by the shoulders for a snog. He stroked her clit while she grasped at his jumper, moaning a bit into their kiss.

He released her to stand up and straighten out. Alec pulled off his jumper and unbuttoned his shirt. Miller pushed herself up to her elbows to watch him undress. He was slightly self conscious at her seeing the scar covering the bump of his pacemaker, but Miller said nothing. He watched her eyes travel up and down his bare chest.

"Sit up," Alec ordered Miller. She complied, swinging her legs off the bed as Alec went to his knees in front of her. She shifted as he pulled off her jeans and pants. Alec forced her thighs apart with the palms of his hands. He dipped his head to place his mouth on her. She was already slick against his tongue.

Alec squeezed the inside of her thighs while his mouth pleasured her. Miller moaned at his licks. Her shudders and sound made his heart pound. She pulled at his hair while he reached to rub his own erection through his trousers. The hand snaked up her thigh so he could stick two fingers inside her.

"Oh, my _god_ ," Miller whimpered. "Oh _christ_ , that's amazing."

His fingers stroked her internally as his tongue lavished her clitoris. Miller's thigh was tense against the hand that still held her. Her breath and moaning continued to get louder and faster.

"I'm coming, _oh god_ , I'm -" Miller didn't finish the thought as she cried out, her back arching. Alec didn't relent until her muscles relaxed and her sounds tapered off. She loosened her grip on his hair and lay down.

He lifted his head and pulled his fingers out to look up at her. Miller's eyes were closed and her chest moved heavily as she caught her breath. Alec crawled up next to her, letting his fingers trace and squeeze her breast as she came down.

Miller finally opened her eyes. She reached over to grasp his erection through the front of his trousers. Alec grunted as the feel of her hand. His remained on her breast, rubbing her nipple and massaging her soft flesh.

Once again, she pushed him backward. Miller sat up to undo his belt and trousers. Alec lifted his hips so she could peel off what remained of his clothes. His cock stood at attention. Miller studied it a moment before taking him in her hand. She slowly jerked him off for a few mind scrambling moments, squeezing him with her fingers. He was hard to the point of it nearly being unbearable.

Miller dipped her head and opened her mouth. Alec couldn't control his groan. She moved down on him far enough to be nearly at his base. She applied more pressure with the insides of her cheeks and affixed her tongue to the underside of his cock, sucking him off.

Alec held onto her shoulders as her mouth worked on him. He _craved_ the idea of being inside of her, but Miller kept him in her mouth, massaging the base of his cock with her hand.

His grunts and expletives ramped up as she brought him closer and closer. Alec groaned out as he came. He was a bit surprised when Miller didn't pull away as he finished. Instead, she swallowed.

Alec let go of her hair and Miller pulled herself back up to lie next to him. He let his breathing regulate a bit before he could regain the ability to speak.

" _Fucking hell_."

"Yeah," Miller agreed. "That actually bloody helped. My mind feels far more clear now."

Alec let his hand move back to her chest, his finger running between her breasts and down above her navel. His fingertips brushed the underside of her breasts.

"Do you want to drive back tonight?" Miller inquired.

"No," he responded immediately. "Let's stay."

She nodded and he fingered her areola. Miller looked lost in thought a moment before speaking.

"Let's get dinner. I'm hungry."

She sat herself up and picked her bra off the floor, fastening it back on. She put her top back on and stood up to walk to the loo.

"There was a Japanese place about a mile up the road," Miller called out, shutting the door behind her. "Japanese sounds amazing right now. What do you think?"

"Um, sure," Alec replied. He was a bit thrown by how nonchalant Miller was acting. Had they not just tasted each other in a Liverpool hotel room, he would think she was going through the motions on a typical work day. Business as usual.

"Don't let me forget to ring the funeral director's tonight."

"I won't."

He didn't think too much more about it as he gathered his clothing off the floor.

As he crossed the threshold to his own room, Alec suddenly froze in place.

_Zoe._

_Shit._


	6. Chapter 6

_Oh, bloody hell._

_The fuck's just happened?_

_What the hell have you done?_

Alec could barely concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other as he and Miller walked to dinner.

Gone was the sullen, hungover Miller from earlier in the day. She seemed, astonishingly, normal. It could have been a typical day in CID, if they hadn't ended up sat in a Japanese restaurant, splitting several dishes.

The normalcy is what spooked Alec the most. Miller seemed completely unbothered by what they'd done in her hotel room. Not nervous, not affectionate, not hesitant... just typical Miller.

He decided she was a sociopath.

He then decided that was a fairly extreme label to put on someone nonchalant after a spontaneous fumble.

Even though that fumble might be the thing that ends his relationship with Zoe.

_Zoe._

Alec tried not to cringe.

Christ. She's planning their future while he's giving his employee an orgasm.

" _Hello_?"

Miller's voice brought him back to reality.

"Um, what?" Alec responded.

She gave him a look. "I said, try that one." She gestured her chopsticks at a sushi roll. Alec pulled off a section and deposited it on his place.

Alec stared at the roll. He looked up to see Miller raising her brows at him.

"Well, don't waste it. It's good sushi," she said, popping a piece into her mouth.

Alec picked up his sushi with the chopsticks. Miller was more skilled with them than he was.

"You look scared," she commented. "You do even like Japanese food? We could have gone anywhere else."

He chewed the sushi. He could barely taste it.

"Do you... want to talk about earlier?"

"Why?" Miller snickered. "Fancy a recap?"

Alec scoffed. "No... But it's good if we..."

He trailed off. He wasn't sure of how to articulate the question.

He wasn't sure of what the question _was_.

"Listen," Miller said after a moment. She put her chopsticks down. "If you're looking for the deeper meaning... well, there doesn't necessarily have to be any."

Miller picked the chopsticks back up to grab another sushi slice.

"The opportunity was there. We went for it. It was nice. That's as it was."

She bit int the sushi as she looked over Alec's face.

"Or is it Zoe you're worried about?" Miller said after finishing the piece.

Internally, Alec knew it was both.

"Just enjoy your bloody dinner. We'll debrief at the hotel."

Miller paused.

"Also, the couple at the table next door is eavesdropping."

Alec glanced over.

The man and woman seated a table over quickly tried to glance away surreptitiously.

Miller couldn't suppress a cackle.

Alec was certain she was completely mad.

* * *

Miraculously enough, Alec somehow made it through dinner and the walk back to the hotel.

His restraint only lasted until the door to his room shut behind them.

Alec paced the room. Miller just watched, perched from the edge of his bed.

" _Christ_ ," Alec hissed. "I didn't think twice about it, did I? She's off in Broadchurch probably picking out baby names and booking wedding venues and I'm here..."

Alec waved his hand at the implications.

"I don't know what the hell my problem is," he groaned, rubbing at his own temples. "There is literally nothing wrong with Zoe. She's smart, she's attractive, she's loving, she's stable... She's constantly going out of her way to ensure I'm happy. I care about her, but why am I not _in love_ with her?"

"Well..." Miller began. "You have an out, if you want one."

"What does that mean?" Alec responded.

"You cheated," she replied plainly. "You have a reason to break up now because of your behaviour, not because of your lack of feelings for her. Not to mention that _I_ was the one who propositioned _you_ , so you're slightly less of the bad guy. You leave Zoe not obsessing why she isn't good enough for you, but why you're such a wanker."

Miller raised her brow.

"Or, you decide not to break up with her and she never has to find out about what happened here. I'm certainly not going to tell anyone."

Alec wasn't sure how to respond. Miller kept on going.

"You need to make some kind of decision, though. You can't keep yanking her around. Give her what she wants or end it."

"Why are the only options babies or breaking up?" Alec nearly snapped with exasperation.

"Uh, biology, for one," Miller replied, settling herself into a crosslegged position on the bed. "You and your dusty semen have bugger all decisions to make, but Zoe doesn't really have that luxury, does she?"

"Dusty? _Really_?"

She just smiled. He continued.

"Okay, but there's more to life than marriage and children."

Miller scoffed. "Easy for you to say. You had your family."

She stood up, reducing the distance between her and Alec.

"I don't doubt that you care about Zoe," Miller continued. "But you're treating her like a place holder, and that's completely unfair to her. No one wants to be sat around waiting to find out if they're the one."

"What would you do?" Alec asked her suddenly.

"What would I do, what?" Miller responded. "If I were you or Zoe?"

"Either," he replied. "Both."

"If I were you," Miller said. "I'd drive back to Broadchurch, propose, and get her pregnant."

"Is that you would want?"

"Well, bloody obviously that's what Zoe wants. I never want to get married again, so you're asking the wrong person."

Alec was surprised. "You never want to get married?"

"God no," Miller scoffed. "You couldn't bloody pay me to do that to myself again."

She rolled her eyes at Alec's astounded expression.

"Oh, enough with the judgement," she continued. "You don't want to get married, either."

"Why would you assume that?" Alec challenged.

"Because the perfect woman is inexplicably wanting to take you to the registry office as soon as possible and you're digging your heels in," Miller responded. "If you can't make it work with Zoe, who is it meant to work with?

That gave Alec pause.

He could feel his heart rate rise a bit.

It wasn't the prospect of marriage that made him reluctant.

It was the idea of marrying _Zoe_.

There was nothing wrong with them as a couple, he realized.

However, the lack of something _wrong_ didn't mean they were _right_ for each other.

It was Alec's turn to sit on the bed.

He feared his legs couldn't hold him up otherwise.

Alec noticed Miller's alarmed expression.

"Are you all right?" she asked. He could hear the concern in her voice.

"Aye, I am," Alec responded after a long moment.

He sensed clarity over the situation now.

Didn't feel nice, though.

He knew he'd need to end it as soon as they returned to Broadchurch.

However, that was still a good 36 hours away.

Alec didn't have to look at Miller's face to know she was still watching him. Instead, he reached out to stroke the back of her thigh over her jeans. He let his hand settle just below her arse as he squeezed her leg.

He was somewhat surprised by how muscular they were.

That was Miller, though. She had a lot of hard edges disguised as softness.

He reached for the other leg and roughly pulled her forward. She yelped a bit in surprise. Miller had to grab Alec's shoulders to avoid falling over completely.

Miller caught her breath as she looked down at Alec. He stared back up at her, hands still tight around the backs of her legs.

He figured that her whole distraction idea earlier had been pretty effective.

She leaned in to kiss him. He quickly reciprocated.

Miller stood over Alec as they snogged. He released her thighs to stop at her waist before traveling under her shirt. He pushed it up to grope her breasts.

She shifted to kneel on the end of the bed and settle on his lap.

He was hard even before she sat on top of him.

Alec pulled Miller's top off. He affixed his mouth to her sternum and the tops of her breasts, kissing and sucking at any exposed flesh his lips could find. He pushed down a bra strap enough to release her breast from one of the cups. Alec held Miller by the back with one hand and squeezed her exposed breast with the other. He spent a long time on her areola and nipple, tracing and licking them. He pushed himself into her as she moaned.

Eventually, Miller stood back up to remove her bra entirely. Naked from the waist up, she leaned in to unbutton Alec's shirt. He stood to allow her more access to push it away. Miller reached up to explore his bare chest a bit. Alec held his breath as her fingers traced over the lean definition on his torso, moving through his chest hair.

Her hands dropped to his trousers. She stroked him over his clothes, causing his whole body to twitch involuntarily. Miller undid his belt and trousers, and pushed them down. Hard in his boxer briefs, Alec kicked the trousers away.

He grabbed Miller roughly by the hips and pulled her tight against him. She gasped as they made contact. Alec's heart beat fast at the feeling of his erection pressed int her pelvis and her bare breasts against his chest. She pulled away only enough to move her lips to his neck. He closed his eyes and pushed his cock against her as she lavished his neck.

Alec abruptly swiveled Miller by the hips He grabbed her hands and pinned them against the wall behind her. Alec pressed hard against her back, reveling in the feeling of her heavy breaths. He kept his hands on top of hers, holding them flat against the wall, as he put his mouth against the back of her neck. She moaned softly as he nipped and kissed her way down the side of her throat and onto her shoulder.

He let one of her hands go. He allowed it to reach around and feel her bare tits a moment before sliding it down her soft stomach and into the waistband of her jeans. His finger made contact with her clit and stroked her purposefully. Miller gasped out audibly.

Miller remained leaning against the wall as Alec stroked her. He released her other hand to roam around her abdomen, squeezing her breasts and pinching her nipples. Alec's mouth continued to explore her bare shoulders and neck. Miller's moans increased in volume. Alec increased the speed between her legs and ground his erection against her arse.

Alec let his lips rest against her hair as he felt her shoulders move with her breathing. He touched her until she cried out, her head dropping as she rode out her orgasm.

He pulled his hand from her jeans and brought his finger to his mouth, tasting her. Both hands moved back to her tits. Miller regained her equilibrium with both hands still against the wall.

She pulled his hands off her breasts so she could push them against the wall, taking her previous position. She turned herself around to kiss him. Miller stroked his chest while Alec continued to lean into the wall. This time, it was her hands that moved down into the waistband of his boxer briefs.

Miller knelt down in front of his, pulling his briefs with her. Alec pressed his hands into the wall as he kicked his pants away. Miller reached up to grasp his bare cock.

Alec groaned as she stroked him a moment. She continued to hold him as she took the head of his cock into her mouth. Miller spent a few moments at his tip before moving him farther into her mouth.

He closed his eyes and arched his back a bit at the feel of her. Miller released her hold on his cock to grip the backs of his thighs. Alec hummed and groaned as her mouth worked him over. He opened his eyes and looked down. The sight of her kneeling down in front of him was pushing him closer than he wanted to get this soon.

"Miller," Alec breathed out. "I want to... I want to be inside of you."

She somewhat reluctantly released him from her mouth. "I don't... carry condoms, and I don't use any kind of contraception, so we can't..."

 _Shit._ Miller was right.

Suddenly, Alec remembered his purchase at the petrol station.

_Oh, thank fuck._

"I've got a box," he blurted. "In my suitcase. Unless you don't want to..."

He glanced down at Miller, who was still knelt before him, massaging his legs.

She fixed him with a look.

"Well, bloody go get them!" she nearly hissed.

Alec extended his hands to Miller. She accepted, pulling herself to stand. She watched him dig through his bag before finding the box.

"Why aren't they opened?" she inquired, taking the box from him. Miller glanced up. "Actually, never mind, I don't want to know."

She deposited the box on the room's dresser while Alec undid her jeans. He pulled them down before pushing off her pants. She kicked both off and Alec pushed her back against the dresser.

"Get up," he told her.

Miller hoisted herself to sit on the bureau. Alec reached for the condoms but was momentarily distracted by the sight of her pubic hair. He decided to have a another taste of her before her entered her.

This time, Alec was the one to kneel. He pushed her legs apart and put his lips to her labia. Alec's tongue warmed her up. She whimpered at the feel of him while he touched himself a bit more.

"Oh _god_ ," Miller breathed out. "Fuck me. I want you to _fuck me_..."

Alec stood back up as Miller ripped the cellophane from the box. She discarded the plastic on the floor and pulled the packages from the box. Miller unwrapped a condom and rolled it down him herself. Alec grasped himself in order to push himself inside of Miller.

"Oh, _fuck_ ," he cursed immediately upon sliding inside her.

Nothing about either of their movements were calculated, self conscious, or even particularly gentle. Alec had to wonder if neighbouring rooms could hear the dresser rattle against the wall as he thrust into Miller.

He wasn't overthinking any of it. He just did what felt natural, and enjoyed the process.

He guessed Miller did the same as her hums and gasps got louder and closer together.

Miller moaned as she came again. It didn't take Alec too much longer before he finished as well.

He felt guilty about not feeling more guilty.

Alec extracted himself from Miller, who pushed herself back up to stand. She pulled on her shirt and pants and gathered the rest of her clothing in her arms.

"Shit," Alec heard her say to herself as he popped into the loo to clean up.

"What?" he called back.

"I meant to call the boys an hour ago."

Alec could hear Miller talking on her mobile through their still-ajar connecting doors. He walked back into his room and checked his own phone to see he'd missed a goodnight text from Zoe.

He picked up the mobile to respond, but found himself unable to bother.

Instead, Alec walked into Miller's room. She was lying face up on top of her bed. He walked around to the other side and crawled under the covers.

Still on her mobile, she just raised her brows as him.

Perhaps she thought he was being clingy.

Perhaps Zoe's mate talked some sense into her.

Perhaps nothing had changed.

All these things he would need to deal with eventually.

Alec closed his eyes.

At the moment, he was too tired to be arsed with any of it.


End file.
